I have a wood-burning fireplace in my new house and with the recent cold weather a roaring fire is just what Fire Marshall Bill ordered. Of course, I tried real wood because "you just gotta use real wood or you're not getting a real fire-place experience." But . . . Wood is way too high … Continue reading Desperately Seeking Fire
Breaking News: Rob Ford Sex Tape Surfaced
Just kidding. Thankfully a video of Rob Ford doing the nasty has not surfaced because I would probably watch it and spend years wishing for the power to undo seeing such a horrible thing (being too cowardly to claw out my own eyes). Also, I don't think our great nation could weather such a thing. … Continue reading Breaking News: Rob Ford Sex Tape Surfaced
Lululemon Gives New Meaning to the Phrase “Fire Crotch”
La La Land -- Today, Lululemon announced the release of “Fire Crotch,” their latest yoga pant line geared towards plus size women. The pants contain a reinforced crotchal area to prevent friction when fat thighs rub together. This is in response to complaints that Lululemon yoga pants were thinning and piling. “Some women's bodies' are not right … Continue reading Lululemon Gives New Meaning to the Phrase “Fire Crotch”
Once Upon an Excuse
Again, I’ve committed to do something that I’m dreading. No, it’s not NaBloPoMo. I said yes months ago to attend a career conference for young women (petulant teenage girls) and talk about my “career” (job that dumps 26 pay cheques into my bank account a year). It’s tonight and I’m in full excuse mode. Car … Continue reading Once Upon an Excuse
Me No Write-y
Since we’re all friends I need to confess something to you: I have big dreams saddled with pipsqueak ability. No pity needed. I’m in the acceptance phase of denial. In a classic Thain in Vain move, I signed up for something I will inevitability dread more and more as the start date looms approaches and … Continue reading Me No Write-y
Four Reasons I’m Going to Fail at NaNoWriMo
Like thousands of writers, I’ve foolishly challenged myself to write a whole novel in the month of November during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). That’s 50,000 words in a single month. Cringe. This is so not going to happen. And here's why: Big dream; pipsqueak ability. Rob Ford news coverage. My new Ninja blender calling … Continue reading Four Reasons I’m Going to Fail at NaNoWriMo
Thain in Vain: Doling Out Dodgy Advice Since 2013
Thain in Vain cares about your troubles and distractedly wants to help! Sure, you could solicit help from that bald dude on the Oprah show, but that means you're airing your dirty drivel on national TV and having to listening to a shit pile of southern clichés. Maybe that revs your engine, but I’d rather … Continue reading Thain in Vain: Doling Out Dodgy Advice Since 2013
I Vow Not to Talk About Clusters of Holes this Weekend: Well, Except for this Blog Post
I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been a tad obsessed with looking at disturbing pictures of things containing a cluster of holes. My Internet search cache is littered with such searches. From one of those searches, I learned about Trypophobia, “an intense, irrational fear of (organic) holes,” according to the Urban Dictionary. There is also a … Continue reading I Vow Not to Talk About Clusters of Holes this Weekend: Well, Except for this Blog Post
Winter is Coming. I Love You, Man
Keeping positive during the cold, dark winter is critical to one’s survival in Canada. But it’s not easy. Winter would just as easily kill you as look at you. So, this winter my survival technique is kindness. It’s easy to bitch about the thermometer hovering around the -35 mark for weeks on end. Never mind the … Continue reading Winter is Coming. I Love You, Man
Mean Girl is No Longer a Label I Wear
For a long time I was a mean girl. Like, a real bitch. Not a day went by that I didn’t spew snide comments about weight and looks, make cruel jokes that cut down to the bone, or toss around backbiting name-calling and hateful rumours. I was a mean girl. To me. I didn’t really … Continue reading Mean Girl is No Longer a Label I Wear
Thain in Vain 