It’s a new year and with that comes those dreaded-sure-to-fail resolutions. Most people include weight loss as one of the things they would like to change as they scratch another year on the metaphorical bed post. Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows it’s rough road with tons of sink holes (read: chips and nachos and beer and wine and gelato and burgers and poutine) along the way. Not to worry. Thain in Vain is here to help you shed those few pounds with my four super easy steps to mega weight loss!
Step 1 – Research
There are a shit ton of diets and weight loss gimmicks out there. It’s important that you do research before you start any program. Be sure that the program you choose is geared towards your particular weight issue. A quick Google search is a great way to find what you need.
Step 2 – Choosing a program
Before choosing a program, it’s time to get real about you. Take the following quiz to find out the kind of weight loss loser you are.
1) Do you like thinking about doing hard stuff rather than doing it? Yes or no.
2) Do you rarely follow through with stuff you start? Yes or no.
4) Do you start things with gusto only to lose interest in a couple of weeks? Yes or no.
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then you should probably select a cheap, easy program such as eating less crap and sitting less on your couch-nest.
If you answered no to one or more of these questions, you are better than most of us and will successfully lose the weight and probably get in super awesome shape. Good for you!
Step 3 – Staying Motivated
It’s hard to keep motivated. Sure support from like-minded folks is great, but all that “you’re doing great” and “keep going” can really wear on a person’s nerves. Here’s some tips for staying motivated on your own:
- Exercise while watching TLC shows about obese people. Seeing those big, fat people lolling around in their massive, filthy beds will certainly get you through many squats and lunges.
- Post a picture of what you would like to look like on your fridge to keep you motivated. Chances are it will be unrealistic for your body type or age or whatever, but it’s still good to have goals.
- Join a fitness challenge. You can’t scroll an inch on Pinterest without seeing a pin for a yoga or running or weight training challenge. Same on Facebook, except it’s family or friends pictures of themselves during their fitness challenge of choice (e.g., your wacky aunt and her daily posts of her pole dancing fitness challenge).
- Treat yourself! Once you’ve lost a couple of pounds, be sure to reward yourself. Perhaps it’s a new outfit or a decadent dessert or maybe it’s two bottles of wine and a bag of chips.
Step 4 – Keeping Busy
It’s important that you keep yourself busy during your weight loss journey. If you tend to sit on the couch, mindlessly eating and drinking, then you may want to consider doing something different. Taking up a new hobby is exciting and will do wonders with your self-esteem! You could learn to knit or juggle; take up photography or the ukulele; learn a new software program such as Photoshop and add funny captions to pictures you find on the internet (this shite is fun!).
Thain in Vain