How to passively aggressively get even in 6 steps

A new couple moved in down the street. The dude just loves big, stupid monster trucks. My problem is not his taste in hobbies (per se, but that’s another post). My problem is that he and others like him spend hours on the weekends revving the engines of these dumbass trucks and screaming at each other over the chainsaw whine.

I’m being aurally assaulted in my own cute deck gazebo.

So, what’s a gal to do?

I could:

  • Call the city and complain about the noise. Claim it’s causing me irreparable hearing damage. Chances are good I would be told to suck it up buttercup.
  • Take a page out of the social justice warrior playbook and get seriously triggered and set-up a protest camp: Douchebag Trucks No More.
  • Take to social media with my petty grievance, create the hashtag #DouchebagTrucksNoMore and go viral.
  • Torch his stupid diuchebag truck in the middle of the night. Huh, maybe not. Arson is not on my bucket list.
  • Send an anonymous postcard with a message about how annoying his revving engines are. Yes, this is the ticket—anonymous stuff is right up my alley.

Maniacal laughter.

Here’s some tips on passive aggressively getting even without lifting more than a pen:

Step 1 – Buy a postcard. I recommend getting the most cheerful, upbeat one you can find. It’s more unsettling this way

Step 2 – Write your l message. I recommend steering clear of threats as this is considered a criminal activity. But letting your neighbour know they’re a dickhead is basically constructive feedback. Right?

Step 3 – Address it to the offending neighbor.

Step 4 – Add a stamp and drop it in the mail. I recommend heading out of your neighborhood for mailing purposes (e.g., across the city or better yet out of town) so the postmark is far away from your neck of the woods.

Step 5 – Imagine this annoying neighbour discovering my cheerful postcard in the mailbox. Who can it possibly be from he gleefully wonders? As he turns it over and reads my message, the smile melts from his face as he wonders, less gleefully this time, who’s it from.

Laugh manically!

Step 6 – Purchase large box of postcards and return to step 1.

Here’s my postcard.Thoughts?


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