For my friend.
3:30 a.m. Wake-up. The cool, soft night air blows through the unique French doors I designed for the bedroom. It’s tough to leave our 1000 thread count imported Amara sheets, but the chickens need their vegan breakfast and the garden needs a good weeding. Most of my friends don’t have the luxury of growing their own food, let alone raising their own chickens. They live in the city in tiny condos jammed up on top of each other. That life is death to me. We’ve chosen to live on acreage away from vile sprawl of the city. We want to embrace permaculture and raise our children to know that food and life can be grown — not just purchased from a grocery store.
4:40 a.m. Slightly annoyed. I had to waste three minutes looking for my runners that I suspect Mark moved from their usual spot. In our home, everything has a spot. I move his car keys. Now I have to shave three minutes off my 10k run this morning to keep on schedule.
5:23 a.m. Just back from my run. Did it in 40 minutes – new record for me. Pat on the back. On my run, I was thinking how truly fortunate I am. Most people can’t enjoy a run in nature like I do every day. They’ve never seen a breathtaking sunrise like I have. Since moving to our little farm, as Mark and I like to call it, our appreciation for the utter beauty of nature is so much greater than our friends stuck living in the city.
5:30 a.m. My morning is not complete without my yoga practice. I got into yoga before it was as trendy as it is today. I always seem to be at the head of the pack when is comes to trends. Take our sustainable farm life for example. Now, I’m seeing all kinds of stuff on social media that more people what to live on farms and raise and grow their own food. Well, I thought of it first. Ha, ha. I did take some yoga classes in the city, but was unimpressed with the quality of the teachers. Some of them didn’t have what I believe is a true “yoga body,” which left me to conclude they live unhealthy lifestyles. I simply can’t be in the same room with that kind of person. So, I developed my own amazing yoga practice. I’m thinking I should become an instructor and open my own studio.
6:30 a.m. I ask Mark to get our boys, Jackson and Brody, out of bed for breakfast. I have prepared quinoa oatmeal with chia seeds, fresh fruit, lightly steamed broccoli and boiled organic eggs. Jackson starts screaming in that high-pitched way I dislike about pancakes with syrup. He slaps his bowl away, sending chia seeds scattering across the table. “Pancrakes,” he wails. Brody starts bawling too as he tosses a half-chewed broccoli floret to the floor. I explain to Jackson that pancakes are not a healthy choice for five-year old boys who need protein and nutrients. I look to Mark for support, but he’s busy looking for his keys. I finish my breakfast as the boys cry it out. I believe this is what the experts refer to as effective parenting
7:30 a.m. I drop the boys off at daycare. It’s hard to leave them with people I know don’t share the same lifestyle values as we do. I have regular conversations with them about my expectations for food and activities for my boys. This morning, I let Stacey know the boys didn’t eat much at breakfast and need a protein at snack time. I hand her my yummy homemade cashew bars with avocado and pumpkin seeds. She reminds me that nuts are not permitted because of allergies. I tell her that allergies are a product of poor diet and hygiene. I can tell she agrees with me, but can’t say anything because she might lose her job. She assures me the boys will have healthy food and wishes me a good day.
8:00 a.m. Arrive at work and step into the elevator. I’m greeted by a smog cloud of perfume or lotion wafting off Deb. I have a sneezing-coughing fit and come close to vomiting. I make a mental note to send an email to everyone in the office reminding them about my scent-free policy.
8:25 a.m. I put the cashew bars in the lunchroom, right next to a box of evil Tim Bits, with a note encouraging folks to make healthy food choices.
10:15 a.m. I finally fully recover from my scent reaction.
12:00 p.m. I dislike that I have to use a microwave at work, but I use BPS free glass. I chat with Ben about the dangers of heating up food in plastic. He says he does it all the time and shrugs. I pray for his health and that of his children.
12:03 p.m. I brought leftovers for lunch. Last night, we grilled free-range, organic chicken with sugarless homemade BBQ sauce and charred cabbage. My food perspective and recipes need to be shared. I’ve known this for a while so last night I finally started my own food blog. It’s called Living Food.
12:12 a.m. Dale, the weight-challenged man in the office, joins us in the lunchroom. He drops a greasy McDonald’s bag on the table. The smell of the cheap food causes another allergic reaction and I gag as he takes a huge bite of a burger. I pity his wife.
12:13 p.m. Dale gets up, grabs his bag of poison and says he’ll finish his lunch in his office. He must feel bad for making me sick.
12:14 p.m. I immediately feel better.
12:20 p.m. Tanya sits down. She’s eating tuna out of the can. I ask her if she is on another diet. The smell of the tuna is disgusting, but I don’t have a reaction. I chat about the documentary I recently watched about the dangers of mercury levels in tuna and the horrific tuna industry. I make a mental note to send an email to everyone in the office about ethical food and eating right.
1:10 p.m. Hit send on my reminder email about my scent-free policy in the workplace. I offer some suggestions for natural, scent-free products. I make mental note to whip-up a batch of my chocolate-mint sugar scrub with organic, sustainable fair-trade essence oils and give it to Deb.
1:30 p.m. Finished composing my email about eating right and choosing ethical food. I commit to sending everyone a weekly healthy, organic recipe and tips for growing their own food. I include a link to my blog and suggest folks sign-up for my weekly newsletter.
1:34 p.m. I send Dale an email offering to help him and his wife get healthy and fit.
2:30 p.m. Called into a meeting with my manager.
2:40 p.m. Ouch, bitten by the old policy-bug. I guess employees are not allowed to send mass emails about policies that don’t exist. She also said she received a number of complaints about my other email and suggested I refrain doing it again.
4:00 p.m. I created a poster advertising my blog and put it up in the lunchroom. I know folks around here need and want my expertise and healthy recipes and I’m not going to let a couple of complainers stop me from creating a better world. On a side note: I think I may have a natural talent for graphic design. New career path?
4:45 p.m. – 5:30 p.m. Chat with Stacey about what the boys ate today. She said granola bars as a snack in the afternoon. I ask if they were homemade. They weren’t. This explains why Brody is having a meltdown about leaving and clinging to Stacey. He’s sugar and additive-wired and she’s his dealer. I express my concern about his behaviour being related to the food she feeds him. I tell Stacey I will be sending my healthy nut-free protein bars from now on.
6:00 p.m. We enjoy a simple dinner of ethically sourced pork loins, roasted beets and spicy lentil puree. The boys didn’t eat much again. I’m concerned about their health and believe these issues are linked to the nutrition they are subjected to at daycare. I make a mental note to look into what constitutes child abuse at daycare.
6:35 p.m. to 8:45 p.m. Just finished feeding the chickens, cleaning the coop and tending the garden. My garden is impressive if I do say so myself. Everything is sprouting to life under my expertise. I take an artistic picture of it and post it on my blog. Besides putting the boys to bed, this is one of my favourite parts of the day. I feel so fortunate that I have the ability and space to do this. I don’t want to make my friends jealous of my life and abilities, but it’s hard when they see someone like me living my dream life and they’re stuck in a life they don’t want. So sad.
8:49 p.m. Mark has bathed and put our boys to bed. I ask him why he didn’t call for me. He said he did a number of times. This certainly puts a damper on the whole day. I need to put my boys to bed for the day to be perfect. Mark robbed me of that. I ask him to turn off the TV.
8:50 p.m. Get to work on the granola bars for tomorrow, while listening to my audiobook “How to Be an Expert in Your Life.” Lots of great tips and many I’m already living.
9:30 p.m. – 11:20 p.m. Write today’s blog post, focused on the importance feeding your children healthy food and feature the recipe for my nut-free protein bars. I’m so fortunate I am able to express myself in creative ways. Now I can add writing to my long list of creative talents.
11:30 p.m. I find a half eaten bag of Doritos in Mark’s bedside table. He knows this poison is forbidden in the house. What if one of the boys found it? I shake that horrifying thought from my mind and get on with the unpleasant work of getting rid of it. I decide not to wake him about this, but you can be damn sure he’ll be answering some questions first thing tomorrow.
11:45 p.m. I drift off to sleep thinking that Dale didn’t get back to me about my offer. I will stop by his office first thing in the morning.
One thought on “Haughty Mom: A Day in the Life”
Bravo! I love that you can turn my rants into something funny and coherent.